IS YOUR HOME CLEAN ENOUGH?

 

WOULD YOU LET THE CLEAN POLICE INTO YOUR HOUSE TO PEER UNDER YOUR DUST RUFFLE OR LIFT YOUR TOILET LID? THESE CLOSE FRIENDS DID, TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM IS THE TRUE DOMESTIC GODDESS. READ ON FOR THE INSIDE DIRT.

 

By Dan Bova, photographed by Hugh Hartshorne

 

Close friends Kristi Elles and Case Landman could be living parallel lives: They own houses within a few miles of each other (in the suburbs of New Jersey), they work together (at Bloomingdale’s), they love to entertain friends, and they have sadomasochistic tendencies. (How else can you explain allowing the Ritz-Carlton’s head of housekeeping to peer into your toilet bowl for a national magazine?) They’re living the same life on the surface, bat what lurks beneath… their kitchen table, dust ruffle, bath mats? To find out, we sent our clean police to drop in on them for a surprise inspection. Kristi, 31, admits she’s in touch with her inner domestic goddess. “I’m a bit of a neat freak,” she says, but I can live with a mess for a while. My husband, Chris, is the type who has to clean it up that instant.” Casey has a more laid-back approach to housekeeping. “Who has time to clean every day?” says the 27-year-old. “I’d rather spend my free time going out to hear music with [my husband] Jon.” Whatever your housekeeping style, our experts will unearth tips to make sure your place in clean and serene.

 

THE KITCHEN: Kristi

 

Michael Desiderio’s take“Kristi doesn’t have a very big kitchen. Streamlining would help her cook more efficiently, eliminate clutter, and solve her cleanliness issues.”

GERMS “Kristi has a towel under her dish rack. That promotes bacteria growth and is what the board of health considers a ‘critical violation’—meaning that a restaurant would have 48 hours to fix the problem or the place could be shut down. Shee needs a plastic runoff mat that drains into the sink. Also, I see a cat hair in the baseboard radiators—that would get a restaurant closed down fast!"

POTS AND PAN “Kristi stores her pots and pans on a low shelf in an open baker’s rack. But with two cats running around shedding, that’s not sanitary. She should get a ceiling pot rack. I’d recommend that for anyone, actually, because it keeps pots hand and frees up cabinet space.”

WORKSTATION “Her stainless steel table is fantastic—easy to keep sanitary and a great work surface. But it looks like someone has been cutting directly on it which is a no-no. [Kristi: “It was my husband!”] Get some cheap plastic cutting boards and place a moist paper towel underneath them to keep them from sliding. Plastic ones are better than wood for deterring bacteria buildup because you can wash them in the dishwasher. And since they‘re cheap, you can replace them every six months. You don’t want to keep any cutting board longer than that.”

SMALL APPLIANCE STORAGE “Like a lot of people, Kristi has her blender and Kitchen/Aid mixer out, where they’re likely to get dirty from splatters and grease in the air. To avoid this and free up counter space, move small appliances you don’t use every day to a closet or the basement.”

WALLS Desiderio runs his hands across the brick walls. “People don’t wipe down their kitchen walls often enough. You should do it every month or so with a damp cloth and all-purpose cleaner.

Kristi: “Wow, I’ve never wiped the walls—not once.”

STOVE “Kristi needs to go to Home Depot and buy a filter for the exhaust fan over her stove—there is serious grease buildup there. If you have grease on your fan, whenever you boil a pot of water, the heat melts the grease and it drips into your food. The best way to clean grease is with equal amounts of white vinegar and hot water.”

Kristi: “Time to try vinegar and hot water!”

 

THE KITCHEN: Casey

 

Michael Desiderio’s take “There are some sanitation issues, but overall, Casey has a great setup. The spices and utensils are within easy reach of the stove, cookbooks are on a shelf nearby, and she uses plastic cutting boards, which are easy to keep germ-free.

SPONGES “The dishrag sitting in the sink, all wet, needs to get tossed right away because bacteria builds up that way. I prefer sponges, because you can easily wring out the extra water. But throw sponges out every two weeks.

POTS AND PANS “Casey’s nonstickpans are stacked on top of each other, which ruins the coating. She should place a paper towel inside each and then she can stack away.”

FRIDGE “I found a tub of expired sour cream in the fridge. That’s a health code violation.”

Casey: “I forgot we had any in there. That’s nasty!”

 

REPORT CARD Kristi: B-, Casey: A-

 

CLUTTER: Kristi

 

Jen M. R. Doman’s take: “Wow, Kristi is organized within an inch of her life. Her linen closet looks great because she keeps like things together: towels on one shelf, sheets on another. This is the secret to keeping closets mess-free. You don’t have to dig through everything when you need a pillowcase.”

THE MEDICINE CABINET “This is great. Kristi and Chris clearly defined whose side is whose. Making sure his deodorant isn’t buried behind your makeup sponges is important in avoiding messes—and squabbles over whose stuff is taking up too much space.”

Kristi: “He’s usually the anal one, but in here it’s all me, making sure none of his stuff spills over onto my side!”

BEDROOM CLOSET “Kristi needs to replace this wooden pole with a stainless steel one, which allows hangers to move better. Wooded bars that have been painted are the biggest nightmare—every time you drag a hanger across them, you scrape old paint onto your clothes. I’d also put in a double-hang bar from The Container Store. They’re about $10 and make that dead space between the top bar and the floor work for you. An easy way for Kristi to increase storage is to use plastic milk crates on either side on the top shelf—they’ll give her an additional top surface to store stuff.”

Kristi: “That sounds great. More room for new purchases!”

CLOTHES STORAGE “Kristi has out-of-season clothes stored in cardboard boxes. Cardboard should never be used for storage, because moths can get in them. But she has her sweaters stored the right way: in medium-size clear covered plastic bins. Always buy clear rather than opaque bins so you can see what’s inside. Picking a manageable size is also key: Giant tubs are a nightmare to lift and take up too much room. I’d suggest she add loose cedar chips inside the bins to repel moths. And then once a year, take a piece of sandpaper and rub chips a few times to reawaken the cedar.”

PHOTO STORAGE “Kristi also has her photos in cardboard boxes. Cardboard contains acid, which makes photos discolor and deteriorate faster. She should transfer to acid-free photo storage boxes, which she can get at The Container Store.”
JUNK BOXES “If you can’t name five things in a box, it’s time for it to go, either in the trash or in the basement.”

Kristi: “I know. I got this stuff when my grandmother passed away, and I’ve been meaning to go through it.’

 

CLUTTER: Casey

 

Jen M. R. Doman’s take: “Everything is too scattered in this house. Casey and her husband have a lot of kitschy mementos, such as a Phillies bobblehead doll, spread around, and it gives off a dorm room vibe. Gather them on a shelf, and it will look more like a collection rather than junk strewn about.”

Casey: “OK, I’m a pack rat. I always think I’ll be able to use stuff at some point, so I hold onto everything!”

UNDERWEAR DRAWER “Her underwear drawer is packed to the gills. Look at the ratio of everyday stuff to specialty lingerie. If you don’t wear the fancy stuff as often, store it in a plastic tub in the closet. Also, Casey should toss whichever pairs of underwear she wouldn’t be caught dead in.”

Casey: “I do have a lot of underwear—I hate doing laundry!”

UNDER-BED STORAGE “Casey has storage boxes stuffed under here. Storing stuff under the bed is bad feng shui [the ancient Chinese art of organizing your home in a way that brings happiness and harmony]. Storing anything under the bed is believed to block the energy flow, or the chi.

Casey: “You have to store stuff somewhere, right? I guess I don’t live in fear of being attacked by feng shui chi!”

LINEN CLOSET “This closet setup is random and all wrong—Casey needs to move the stuff she doesn’t reach for often, like lightbulbs to the bottom shelf, and put everyday items, like towels, on the easy-to-reach shelves.”

BATHROOM STORAGE “She’s using a plastic tower of drawers, but bathroom units like this only encourage clutter. Instead of throwing away, say, a stray Band-Aid, you toss it in a drawer and the next thing you know, the drawer is overflowing with a random assortment of junk. Open shelves are great in bathrooms because they keep everything in plain view, so you’re not as prone to hold on to stuff.”

 

REPORT CARD Kristi: A, Casey: C

 

BED AND BATH: Kristi

 

Aziz Bendriss’ take: “When you first look at this bedroom, it seems neat. But you have to feel the surface to know if it’s really clean. When I drag my hand across her headboard and along the windowsills, then rub it on my dark suit, look what I find: hidden dust! You have to clean the entire room—most people forget to wipe behind open doors and scrub behind the toilet bowl.”

THE BATHROOM FLOOR Bendriss drags his hand across the tile floor. “We could build a wig out of this! You need to vacuum your bathroom to eliminate dust and hair buildup, then mop it. Mopping up the floor without vacuuming first is a big mistake—it just pushes things around. The bath mat is filthy. Throw your bath mat in the wash once a week, and clean the bathroom three times a week. That sounds like a lot, but when you do it frequently, you are simply doing a surface cleanup.”

Kristi: “You’re going to make me cry!”

THE MATTRESS “Look at this mattress! It should have been retired in 1995. Springs are showing. There is a certain point when a mattress starts smelling old and musty. This is very bad, Kristi!”

Kristi: “I know. It’s a really old mattress. But we do flip it  every two months. That counts for something, right?”

Aziz: “It doesn’t help in this case, because the mattress is shot. But it is smart to flip a mattress every two or three months.”

SHEETS “ Her 300-thread-count sheets are good—200 is the minimum anyone should use to be comfortable. As you get into really high thread counts, the sheets get much softer, but they become less durable. We have guests who request 800-thread-count sheets, which feel amazing, but after 50 washings, they start to fall apart.”

PILLOWS “She needs zip-on pillow protectors on these pillows. I pulled off the cases and found stains.”

Kristi: “This is embarrassing, but I drool in my sleep!”

 

BED AND BATH: Casey

 

Aziz Bendriss’ take: “Casey’s bedroom closet looks very neat. Her clothes and shoes are clearly where her heart lies. Because the rest of the room… well, if you went into a single guy’s apartment, I think it would look neater than this.”

Casey: “That’s harsh!”

GRIME “The bed and bath need a serious cleaning. If you worked for me at the Ritz-Carlton, you’d need to bring your union delegate to help keep your job! But you only have to do what we call a deep cleaning once, and then it is just a matter of upkeep. Don’t waste money on fancy cleaning products—we use generic ones at the Ritz-Carlton. The secret is using them often. You’ve got lots of dust here, and dirt encrusted on the windowsills.”

THE PILLOWS “She needs new pillows. Besides being uncomfortable, old pillows gather dust mites and get a musty smell to them.”

Casey: ”Tell my husband—he says he likes the way these old ones are shaped to his head!”

THE BED “Casey, you have your duvet cover buttoned wrong. The buttons should not show.”

Casey: “Really?”

THE BATHROOM “This tub and floor could definitely use a good scrubbing. These towels smell musty—you need to change them at least every three days, or else they get a smell that will never wash out. As I always say, a clean and orderly bathroom is the key to having a welcoming home.”

 

REPORT CARD Kristi: C+, Casey: C

 

THE VERDICT

With victories in the bedroom and clitter departments, the crown goes to… Kristi. So have our grime-stoppers inspired the friends to radically revamp their homes? Not exactly. “As long as there are no organisms growing in here, I’m happy,” says Casey. Kristi, however, has “dusted the bedroom like crazy,” she reports. “ We have allergies and have noticed a big difference.”

 

3 CLOSET MISTAKES THAT WILL WRECK YOUR CLOTHES

·        Avoid wire hangers—and not just because they look cheap. Wire stretches clothes and can actually split the shoulder seams.

·        Don’t store shoes in a basket or loose on the bottom of your closet. Instead, get a wooden shoe rack: It lets footwear breathe, which prevents the leather from drying out.

·        Never keep the hamper in your closet. The funky smell will get transferred to your clean stuff.

—Jen M. R. Doman

 

MAKE YOUR BED THE RITZ-CARLTON WAY

Want to create an ultra-deluxe sleep experience? Take these tips from Aziz Bendriss.

1.      Place a featherbed on the bare mattress for comfort. Put a mattress pad on top of that (to prevent getting poked by feathers).

2.      Cover with fitted sheet (the Ritz uses flat sheets, but only because their folding machine can’t handle fitted ones). Place a flat sheet over this, pattern-side down, and fold over (to reveal the pattern and keep the rough edges of the stitching away from your body.

3.      Next lay a 300-thread-count duvet on top.

4.      Place two 26” x 26” European pillows flat on the bed. Put two king-size pillows on top of those (all pillows should have pillow protectors and pillowcases, pillowcase openings facing the middle of the bed).

5.      Put one decorative pillow in the middle, with a small boudoir pillow on either side. Place one neck-roll pillow in front of it all, turn the duvet halfway down, fluff up the pillows, and you’re finished.

 

 

Text appeared in the November 2004 issue of Redbook Magazine.