IS YOUR HOME CLEAN ENOUGH?
WOULD YOU LET THE CLEAN POLICE INTO YOUR
HOUSE TO PEER UNDER YOUR DUST RUFFLE OR LIFT YOUR TOILET LID? THESE CLOSE
FRIENDS DID, TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM IS THE TRUE DOMESTIC GODDESS. READ ON FOR
THE INSIDE DIRT.
By Dan Bova, photographed by Hugh Hartshorne
Close friends
Kristi Elles and Case Landman
could be living parallel lives: They own houses within a few miles of each
other (in the suburbs of
THE KITCHEN: Kristi
Michael Desiderio’s take“Kristi
doesn’t have a very big kitchen. Streamlining would help her cook more
efficiently, eliminate clutter, and solve her cleanliness issues.”
GERMS “Kristi has a towel under her dish rack.
That promotes bacteria growth and is what the board of health considers a
‘critical violation’—meaning that a restaurant would have 48 hours to fix the problem
or the place could be shut down. Shee needs a plastic
runoff mat that drains into the sink. Also, I see a cat hair in the baseboard
radiators—that would get a restaurant closed down fast!"
POTS AND PAN “Kristi stores her pots and pans on a low
shelf in an open baker’s rack. But with two cats running around shedding,
that’s not sanitary. She should get a ceiling pot rack. I’d recommend that for
anyone, actually, because it keeps pots hand and frees up cabinet space.”
WORKSTATION “Her stainless steel table is
fantastic—easy to keep sanitary and a great work surface. But it looks like
someone has been cutting directly on it which is a no-no. [Kristi: “It was my
husband!”] Get some cheap plastic cutting boards and place a moist paper towel
underneath them to keep them from sliding. Plastic ones are better than wood
for deterring bacteria buildup because you can wash them in the dishwasher. And
since they‘re cheap, you can replace them every six months. You don’t want to
keep any cutting board longer than that.”
SMALL APPLIANCE
STORAGE “Like a lot of people,
Kristi has her blender and Kitchen/Aid mixer out, where they’re likely to get
dirty from splatters and grease in the air. To avoid this and free up counter
space, move small appliances you don’t use every day to a closet or the
basement.”
WALLS Desiderio runs his
hands across the brick walls. “People don’t wipe down their kitchen walls
often enough. You should do it every month or so with a damp cloth and
all-purpose cleaner.
Kristi: “Wow, I’ve
never wiped the walls—not once.”
STOVE “Kristi needs to go to Home Depot and buy
a filter for the exhaust fan over her stove—there is serious grease buildup
there. If you have grease on your fan, whenever you boil a pot of water, the
heat melts the grease and it drips into your food. The best way to clean grease
is with equal amounts of white vinegar and hot water.”
Kristi: “Time to
try vinegar and hot water!”
THE KITCHEN: Casey
Michael Desiderio’s take “There
are some sanitation issues, but overall, Casey has a great setup. The spices
and utensils are within easy reach of the stove, cookbooks are on a shelf
nearby, and she uses plastic cutting boards, which are easy to keep germ-free.
SPONGES “The dishrag sitting in the sink, all wet,
needs to get tossed right away because bacteria builds up that way. I prefer sponges, because you can easily
wring out the extra water. But throw sponges out every two weeks.
POTS AND PANS “Casey’s nonstickpans
are stacked on top of each other, which ruins the coating. She should place a
paper towel inside each and then she can stack away.”
FRIDGE “I found a tub of expired sour cream in
the fridge. That’s a health code violation.”
Casey: “I forgot
we had any in there. That’s nasty!”
REPORT CARD Kristi: B-, Casey: A-
CLUTTER: Kristi
Jen M. R. Doman’s take: “Wow,
Kristi is organized within an inch of her life. Her linen closet looks great
because she keeps like things together: towels on one shelf, sheets on another.
This is the secret to keeping closets mess-free. You don’t have to dig through
everything when you need a pillowcase.”
THE MEDICINE
CABINET “This is great. Kristi
and Chris clearly defined whose side is whose. Making sure his deodorant isn’t
buried behind your makeup sponges is important in avoiding messes—and squabbles
over whose stuff is taking up too much space.”
Kristi: “He’s
usually the anal one, but in here it’s all me, making
sure none of his stuff spills over onto my side!”
BEDROOM CLOSET “Kristi needs to replace this wooden pole
with a stainless steel one, which allows hangers to move better. Wooded bars
that have been pain
Kristi: “That
sounds great. More room for new purchases!”
CLOTHES STORAGE “Kristi has out-of-season clothes stored
in cardboard boxes. Cardboard should never be used for storage, because moths
can get in them. But she has her sweaters stored the right way: in medium-size
clear covered plastic bins. Always buy clear rather than opaque bins so you can
see what’s inside. Picking a manageable size is also key:
Giant tubs are a nightmare to lift and take up too much room. I’d suggest she
add loose cedar chips inside the bins to repel moths. And then once a year,
take a piece of sandpaper and rub chips a few times to reawaken the cedar.”
PHOTO STORAGE “Kristi also has her photos in cardboard
boxes. Cardboard contains acid, which makes photos discolor and deteriorate
faster. She should transfer to acid-free photo storage boxes, which she can get
at The Container Store.”
JUNK BOXES “If you can’t name five things in a box,
it’s time for it to go, either in the trash or in the basement.”
Kristi: “I know. I
got this stuff when my grandmother passed away, and I’ve been meaning to go
through it.’
CLUTTER: Casey
Jen M. R. Doman’s take: “Everything
is too scattered in this house. Casey and her husband have a lot of kitschy
mementos, such as a Phillies bobblehead
doll, spread around, and it gives off a dorm room vibe. Gather them on a shelf,
and it will look more like a collection rather than junk strewn about.”
Casey: “OK, I’m a
pack rat. I always think I’ll be able to use stuff at some point, so I hold
onto everything!”
UNDERWEAR DRAWER “Her underwear drawer is packed to the
gills. Look at the ratio of everyday stuff to specialty lingerie. If you don’t
wear the fancy stuff as often, store it in a plastic tub in the closet. Also,
Casey should toss whichever pairs of underwear she wouldn’t be caught dead in.”
Casey: “I do have
a lot of underwear—I hate doing laundry!”
UNDER-BED STORAGE “Casey has storage boxes stuffed under
here. Storing stuff under the bed is bad feng shui [the ancient Chinese art of organizing your home in a
way that brings happiness and harmony]. Storing anything under the bed is
believed to block the energy flow, or the chi.
Casey: “You have
to store stuff somewhere, right? I guess I don’t live in fear of being attacked
by feng shui chi!”
LINEN CLOSET “This closet setup is random and all
wrong—Casey needs to move the stuff she doesn’t reach for often, like lightbulbs to the bottom shelf, and put everyday items,
like towels, on the easy-to-reach shelves.”
BATHROOM STORAGE “She’s using a plastic tower of drawers,
but bathroom units like this only encourage clutter. Instead of throwing away,
say, a stray Band-Aid, you toss it in a drawer and the next thing you know, the
drawer is overflowing with a random assortment of junk. Open shelves are great
in bathrooms because they keep everything in plain view, so you’re not as prone
to hold on to stuff.”
REPORT CARD Kristi: A, Casey: C
BED AND
Aziz Bendriss’ take: “When you first look at this bedroom, it
seems neat. But you have to feel the surface to know if it’s really clean. When
I drag my hand across her headboard and along the windowsills, then rub it on
my dark suit, look what I find: hidden dust! You have to clean the entire room—most people forget to wipe
behind open doors and scrub behind the toilet bowl.”
THE BATHROOM FLOOR Bendriss drags his
hand across the tile floor. “We could build a wig out of this! You need to
vacuum your bathroom to eliminate dust and hair buildup, then
mop it. Mopping up the floor without vacuuming first is a big mistake—it just
pushes things around. The bath mat is filthy. Throw your bath mat in the wash
once a week, and clean the bathroom three times a week. That sounds like a lot,
but when you do it frequently, you are simply doing a surface cleanup.”
Kristi: “You’re
going to make me cry!”
THE MATTRESS “Look at this mattress! It should have
been retired in 1995. Springs are showing. There is a certain point when a
mattress starts smelling old and
musty. This is very bad, Kristi!”
Kristi: “I know.
It’s a really old mattress. But we do flip it every two months. That counts for
something, right?”
Aziz: “It doesn’t help in this case, because
the mattress is shot. But it is smart to flip a mattress every two or three
months.”
SHEETS “ Her
300-thread-count sheets are good—200 is the minimum anyone should use to be
comfortable. As you get into really high thread counts, the sheets get much
softer, but they become less durable. We have guests who request
800-thread-count sheets, which feel amazing, but after 50 washings, they start
to fall apart.”
PILLOWS “She needs zip-on pillow protectors on
these pillows. I pulled
off the cases and found stains.”
Kristi: “This is
embarrassing, but I drool in my sleep!”
BED AND
Aziz Bendriss’ take: “Casey’s bedroom closet looks very neat.
Her clothes and shoes are clearly where her heart lies. Because the rest of the
room… well, if you went into a single guy’s apartment, I think it would look
neater than this.”
Casey: “That’s
harsh!”
GRIME “The bed and bath need a serious cleaning.
If you worked for me at the Ritz-Carlton, you’d need to bring your union
delegate to help keep your job! But you only have to do what we call a deep
cleaning once, and then it is just a matter of upkeep. Don’t waste money on
fancy cleaning products—we use generic ones at the Ritz-Carlton. The secret is
using them often. You’ve got lots of dust here, and dirt encrus
THE PILLOWS “She needs new pillows. Besides being
uncomfortable, old pillows gather dust mites and get a musty smell to them.”
Casey: ”Tell my husband—he says he likes the way these old ones
are shaped to his head!”
THE BED “Casey, you have your duvet cover buttoned
wrong. The buttons should not show.”
Casey: “Really?”
THE BATHROOM “This tub and floor could definitely use a
good scrubbing. These towels smell musty—you need to change them at least every
three days, or else they get a smell that will never wash out. As I always say,
a clean and orderly bathroom is the key to having a welcoming home.”
REPORT CARD Kristi: C+, Casey: C
THE VERDICT
With victories in
the bedroom and clitter departments, the crown goes
to… Kristi. So have our grime-stoppers inspired the friends to radically revamp
their homes? Not exactly. “As long as there are no
organisms growing in here, I’m happy,” says Casey. Kristi, however, has “dus
3 CLOSET MISTAKES THAT WILL WRECK YOUR
CLOTHES
·
Avoid
wire hangers—and not just because they look cheap. Wire stretches clothes and
can actually split the shoulder seams.
·
Don’t
store shoes in a basket or loose on the bottom of your closet. Instead, get a
wooden shoe rack: It lets footwear breathe, which prevents the leather from
drying out.
·
Never
keep the hamper in your closet. The funky smell will get transferred to your
clean stuff.
—Jen M. R. Doman
MAKE YOUR BED THE
Want to create an ultra-deluxe sleep
experience? Take these tips from Aziz Bendriss.
1.
Place
a featherbed on the bare mattress for comfort. Put a mattress pad on top of
that (to prevent getting poked by feathers).
2.
Cover
with fit
3.
Next
lay a 300-thread-count duvet on top.
4.
Place
two 26” x 26” European pillows flat on the bed. Put two king-size pillows on
top of those (all pillows should have pillow protectors and pillowcases,
pillowcase openings facing the middle of the bed).
5.
Put
one decorative pillow in the middle, with a small boudoir pillow on either
side. Place one neck-roll pillow in front of it all, turn the duvet halfway
down, fluff up the pillows, and you’re finished.
Text appeared in the November 2004 issue of
Redbook Magazine.